ONESHOT: Tasty
by RAW-SYNTH3TICA
Summary: SLASH T16 - Yin Yang/Gunnar - Displeased taste buds for the entire team gives two friends an excuse to work out their differences. *cRaCkFIC!* rated for language & no sex. :P


T16 - ALL IS FICTIONAL & NOT MINE - Expendables 2,

Pairing: Yin Yang/Gunnar

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ONESHOT: Tasty

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"It ain't the Ritz, but it ain't a dump either," Barney proclaimed as they stepped into their living quarters, until they got another payday of a job done, "Bunk down, boys. D-Day in o-five-hundred hours."

Stationed in secrecy out of the public eye in Shanghai, they set up a temporary base inside a bankrupt factory, pulling odds and ends 'til they had a drafty room and miles of space to hide their bird. All six men but Yin Yang sat around a fire inside a metal barrel, their duties and routines before sleep already done, they broke open a box of MREs, they hydrated the dry meals and rubbed their hands waiting for the food to finish sucking up water.

The men lounged around on crates, folding chairs, benches, musty couches, whatever they could find to make their stay more comfortable with, which seemed one hell of a challenge since it was snowing, they were cold, hungry, wide-eyed awake, jittery, pissed, jetlagged, and slightly horny. Lost in pre-packing and folding his parachute, Yin Yang ignored all the jacking jokes and slapstick chuckles aimed at his back, he huffed and spoke his mother tongue under his breath until he heard very acutely a tiny phrase that bristled him and stilled his movements.

"He's kinda cute!" Gunnar sat several feet away from his Asian counterpart, his stomach in stitches as he pointed and laughed to the guys doing their random shit, "Trying to pack his bag without our help."

"I heard that!" came a quick shout, they turned to the stilled form bolt straight in front of their crates of equipment, they expected nothing more than an outburst, but nothing happened.

"Gunnar, you amaze me," Road said offhandedly, picking at a loose stitch in the couch he leaned on.

"Why? He's hardly past five feet tall," Gunnar laughed, the rest smiled knowingly the more the suicidal Swede spoke, "It'll be like a kid running into a brick wall."

"Wrong metaphor, it'll be like a wall running into You," Christmas smirked from his position on a bench, he glanced to Yin Yang and backed away from his seat, "And you've royally pissed off the worse BAMF. Good luck."

"He needs all the luck he can squeeze out of a noodle!" Gunnar burst out laughing, not seeing his team members abandoning their seats or the form stalking up behind him, a hand threw his body forward out of the folding chair, "Hey! Hey! Hey!"

Yin Yang stepped up on the chair and threw punches at eye-level with Gunnar, the Swede ignored the instantaneous shots of pain pummeling all over his shoulders and chest, he kicked the folding chair until it crumbled. The slighter team mate threw himself forward, tackling Gunnar and throwing their bodies to the floor, Gunnar's back breaking the crate into splinters as they landed on the cold concrete.

He absorbed the rain of fists to his upper torso, one or two clipping his chin as he ducked around under Yin Yang, he caught both wrists with a growl and shouted, "Stop, Yang!"

"He's gonna get killed, Barney," Christmas said to his friend he stood beside, he nodded to the fighting pair scrapping out on the floor.

"Yin Yang can take care of himself," Barney answered, their eyes all trained on Gunnar pinning Yin Yang and them shouting at each other.

"I'm talking about Gunnar," the Brit corrected, Yin Yang shook off the massive arms and punched Gunnar in the adam's apple, the Swede wheezed and took a couple knee shots to the ribcage.

"He won't try killing his pal," Barney tilted his chin thoughtfully, their Asian friend rolled out from under the collapsing form, fully standing and taking the half-sorry bench in hand before raising it above his head to their Swedish team mate, "-On second thought."

Gunnar grabbed hold of the bench before it came full force on his back, he threw the wooden object into the farthest corner and scrambled to his feet, Yin Yang spun, landing a hard boot heel on his chest. The Swedish member stumbled a few steps back, and found his bearings to catch two fists aimed at his face, he planted them at the Asian's side, staring angry-eyed at each other the longer they stood to toe.

"Lighten up, buddy!" Gunnar drew in a breath to calm his aching head and swelling bruises putting pressure on his lungs, he shouted, Yin Yang surging up and head butting his team mate, "Hey! I'm on your side!"

"Five bucks says the Swede kills Yin Yang," Caesar said, slapping his bill on his hand, looking to Billy who wisely stayed out of the betting ring in favor of a good ringside show.

"Double says Yin Yang kills Gunnar," Road smirked, putting ten in Caesar's palm while sizing up both fighting men for kill-strike opportunities.

"Put me in the pool," Christmas fished out a twenty from his cargo pack and put the bill in the betting pool, he smiled kamikaze-like, "They both walk away with shit-eating grins."

Gunnar slipped on two finally hydrated MRE trays, he fell back on the couch and quickly regained his footing before Yin Yang could land a boot toe at his cheek. Slapping the boot away, he stood sucking up as many hits his body could take, the blows coming too quick to block and too many to count. Gunnar advanced, his step nearly tripping Yin Yang's grounded shuffles, the Asian team mate locked a knee around the other, rendering them both fixed in place.

"Hey!" Gunnar shouted, finding instead to sweep Yin Yang's slighter form out from under, the Swedish member kneeled above his teammate, knees on the fisted arms, left hand rather holding down the chest and right hand poised in a sure death strike, they huffed into each others breathing space, "Listen-!"

Yin Yang bared his teeth, a growl sounding like a tiger's purr erupting from his chest, Gunnar paused to contemplate first what that meant, only coming to a conclusion that he had to start rutting against his teammate. Now. The Asian member instead kneed his teammate's back and kicked behind his neck, rolling them both over until Yin Yang sat cross legged on the body sprawled beneath him, his position vulnerable but still deadly, he purred louder with the sight of a throwing knife held over Gunnar's pulse.

The Swede accepted defeat after running a hand over the blade pushed to his throat, muttering a 'fuck!' whilst Yin Yang spoke sharply, thoroughly entertained, equally bothered and winded, "Skill! Not Luck."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Gunnar whispered as Yin Yang took his face in both hands and turned his jaw away, the tiny face dipping a warm tongue into the beads of blood, licking and swiping away the pain, the smaller weight drew away completely and left the Swede high and dry, he sat up, a hand rubbing against his bruised neck and back, "Aw, Fuck, Yang! Jeeze!"

"Shut up, Gunnar," Yin Yang said, offering his hand, his team member begrudgingly taking and hauling himself up.

"Fuck! Deep breaths, Confucius. It helps. You and Buddha above all should know," the Swede went marching around discovering aches and pain in places he could hardly pronounce, he turned to his teammate licking remaining red from his lips and thumbs, "Can't you take a joke?"

"You ruined my appetite!" Yin Yang snapped out of habit when answering questions, he took the Swede by the shirt, pulling him down and licking up another tiny rivulet, he pushed a box into Gunnar's dazed-useless hands, nearly purring as he whispered, "Make me a bowl."

Far on the other side of their temporary quarters stood the rest of the team, they shared a wall to lean against and each had their own smokes filing grey fumes in the air, Christmas spoke first after flicking ashes off his tip, "Gunnar's lost his standards between 'sexy' and 'asian' and 'whale ass'."

"That's our Gunnar," Barney answered, taking a deep puff from the cigar wedged between his lips.

"If they kiss and make up over the last box of our MREs, what're we gonna eat after all this 'kum-ba-yah'?" Road huffed, motioning to the two situated on the collapsing couch.

"Some lucky Swede-Asian noodles," Barney smirked, he nodded to the smiling fool only a few good yards away, "We'll make Gunnar cook."

"So funny, I forgot we're starving!" Caesar half-smirked at their kick in the ass from reality, "The fucker can burn water before I eat baby seal and whale ass!"

"Good thing we've got Yin Yang here to lay him out again, right?" Billy asked, gaining a cadence of 'yeah' and 'damned straight'.

Gunnar set to work, finding a saucepan, Caesar's camp burner and water. He ripped the box in half and fished out two packages, he skimmed over the directions and had water boiling, three packages emptied into the saucepan and a pair of chopsticks stirring the softening contents. The Swede sat on the couch comfortably hunched over the burner, the chopsticks in his hand working the packaged noodles round and round.

"You're yanking my crank, Barney," Road laughed, he looked to four serious faces and finally shouted, "Hey, Yin Yang-!"

The two sitting across the room looked toward the other four, he continued, "There're no baby seals for the crazy Swede to get his paws on, is there?"

"The zoo," Yin Yang answered, Gunnar still stirring and keeping utmost attention on the simmering saucepan.

Yin Yang turned to the group, catching Christmas's eye, he waved the borrowed throwing knife over his head, the Brit smiled, "Keep it! You'll need it!"

"By god they'll need it breaking into the zoo!" Road mumbled under his breath.

"I don't bother laughing because you're the joke, Gunnar," Yin Yang explained quietly, Gunnar awkwardly 'spooning' noodles into an empty MRE tray, he took a fork and motioned to his chest, "In here."

The Swede leaned aside, his ear pressed to the chest, a purr resounding inside the more he listened, he followed the steady rising and falling, he looked up and said, "Sounds like heart murmur."

He chuckled at first, then like water bubbling out of a spring, he laughed, Yin Yang was laughing like nothing was wrong or even that their professions were harmless as flower gardening. The guys had to admit that it was goddamn fucking adorable, an unseen smile breaking into a toothy grin the longer the Asian team member laughed, the hardened lines on his face softening and finally melting back into a new lilt of chuckles.

"Un-Fucking-Believable," Road dazedly said, his hand reaching into his pocket and slapping a ten into Christmas's open palm, shortly followed after by Caesar, Barney and Billy stood by having the quiet chuckle fits.

Gunnar took out a tray for himself and began picking through with his chopsticks, he looked over and ruffled Yin Yang's hair, "You're alright, Yang."

"Carryout, sir?" Billy asked Barney.

"Right behind you, Billy," he nodded as the two filed out to find food.

"C'mon, ladies, my treat," Christmas said, lifting the two bills in front of Road and Caesar.

What the team did not see was Yin Yang pounce on Gunnar and seeming to purr louder, they could only imagine why their favorite Swede loved picking on their hand to hand expert.

The End.

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I watched the 'Expendables 2' a few days before my birthday, & I had such a Blast! :D & I wuvvd Yin Yang & Gunnar's dynamic, it was cute. I rushed the fic because I suddenly ran out of dialogue, & I haven't seen the first film in One sitting, so, yea.


End file.
